2018 is coming and I'm terrified


The title here is pretty self-explanatory. I’m freaking out. I’ve never been a New Year’s Resolution kind of person or really felt anything about the change in time. There’s a holiday where I get to play board games till midnight? That’s sick! However, now I’m older and have to plan things and older. Time has been going so fast since I graduated college, I can’t even stand it. I’m basically two years out. How is that possible?

There’s a reason I’m scared of 2018 and none of it is big picture. Yes, the thought of the nuclear holocaust is frightening. Who wants World War III? But my concerns are a bit more selfish than that. In previous years, I have always had a plan. Go to school. Get good grades. Band. Internships. Daily Life. Everything laid itself out before me without me having to put in any effort. Now, there is nothing deciding what I’m doing with my life but me. I’m terrified.

This is the first year in my life where I don’t have a plan.

There’s no overarching goal, no endgame to keep my eye on. Reports cards aren’t coming in. There are no final tests. I guess I’ll just keep working? So do I just keep working till I die? I don’t even have any trips planned. As of right now, all of 2018 is blank. I have no shape of it in my mind and it’s freaking me out. What if I end of wasting it? I’ll be turning 24! My youth is slowly slipping down the drain.

There are some things I’m doing to get a little more excited for 2018 (even just writing the year is weird). I bought a monthly planner, something I’ve never had before. Writing everything down in a cute little book I decorated may help my stress. I’ll see empty days so I can fill them— visualize the big picture so I don’t waste my time. Hopefully, it’ll keep me a bit more organized too. Not that I’m messy, but you can always self-improve! And it may end up being like my Instagram; it will allow me to flip through at the end of the year and remember what I’ve done. My fingers are crossed.

My New Year’s Resolution is to start an anime cover band with my friends. Keep your eyes out for yosh. in 2018. Who knows if that will actually happen, but it’s a fun side project I’m looking forward to. Maybe I’ll share out songs/videos here as well. Only 2018 knows.

But back to my panic attack, has this ever happened to you? The thought of having no idea what to do with your life? I think about it at least twice a week, but I think that’s common for people my age. There’s so many possibilities and options, each person has so much hidden potential. Am I wasting it? Should I stay where I am? Is worrying about it even worth it?

2018 is coming for me with all these questions and I’m running away. Well, in the words of a great movie— time waits for no one, not even you. The New Year is 46 days away whether I like it or not. I hope I can figure a life goal out by then…

Or have one fall in my lap. That would be super convenient.

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